The smell of You

I had stopped reading. Recently my little sister who wanted to buy me a book sent me several options. She got irriitated with me as each book of the list was read by me. Finally she successfully delivered me a book that is still unread. And it banged my head and heart as well that I had stopped reading. I was always a 60-70 percetile student. But yes I am little well read, beyond the board syllabus.  But strangely in last one year, I did not read. There are months when I did not read a single printed word. Being a journalist I had several mornings when I didnot pull up the newspaper. The black words just simply did not attarct me. And why only the words, nothing in this world attracted me. Then the other day I stared at my books, the assets I have collected over the years. Some originals, some second hand, some pirated, some classics in torn pages... I asked myself why I have landed here. The answer is I was fighting two demons inside me - depression and anxiety. Each of them are deadly and the combo offer is something deadliest. One tells you to dark your room and to have an eternal relationship with your bed. While the other will push your brain to constantly worry about the things which bothers you. The 2017 world health day was about deperession. But did we talk about the people or it was only about the word? No idea really. But I know people around me who are everyday fighting with the demons. Many of them do not recognise it and the rest will not accept it.  But acceptace not only by yourself, your acceptance by your own set of people is half the healing process. We everyday fight to win over,to get back ourselves. We do extreme exocism on ourselves to get rid of the demons. Meanwhile, we react. We judge. We take wrong decisions. And then recognise and rectify. We constantly work on ourselves. We all are sorry to the people we hurt during the journey but more than sorry we are thankful to them to be part of our journey. For bearing us to smothen the path.  I gave myself time to heal. I made myself priority which many a times is luxury in our social system. But I had too. Because I am 31 and I have been in a relationship with myself for the last 31 years. And for the record, I am happily reading three books at the same time like I always used to do. Sigh.